The Robot that never was

I was thinking this morning about my unfulfilled dream of having a robot sidekick. I’d always assumed it would have happened by the time I was 30 you see and unfortunately so far, it hasn’t. Which is a bit of a shame.

I’d envisioned a slightly battered old thing with some exposed circuitry and a few rough additions wired onto his casing. He’d have legs, so he’d be a walking robot. I think 4 arms, two about human arm length with 3 prong gripping hands and 2 shorter arms with interchangeable tool ends. No proper neck, his torso would just form a bump at the top middle that shaped like a head. 1 long illuminated eye and a flashing mouthpiece when he talks. And his name would be Kenneth. He is perpetually confused by humans, not understanding social conventions, sarcasm, emotion or anything like that. Though obviously he’s super intelligent!

But, thanks to a botched attempt to install some additional personality subroutines, he has developed a second personality that on occasion overwhelms ‘Kenneth’ and comes to the fore. Jed is his name then and he is sarcastic and mean. He’s also a little crazy and keeps attempting sexual interaction with just about anything.

Oh the hilarious hi-jinks that would ensue when me and Kenneth were on the scene! I imagine that we’d get caught up in solving various mysteries that it seems unbelievable that we could have gotten involved with and our prowess makes the police look completely incompetent.

Also, there’d probably be a really exciting adventure where we attempted to download the Jed personality into a separate body. But then he goes on a rampage! Oh no! And ultimately we have to put Jed back into the same body as Kenneth...to save humanity!!

If my life that didn’t work out as I’d assumed, were a TV show, that would have been a two parter!

Oh, and the hilarity of my early dates with my fiancée if I’d had Kenneth trying to help me! Hm, actually it’d be best if we didn’t mess with that, I’m damn lucky that worked out as it is...