See Logan Run! Run Logan Run!

Slightly later than expected, my review of Logan’s Run.
Well, not a review, so much as just my general enthusiastic observations. Review was a stupid word to use, because I don’t like ‘reviews’ generally and also, it’s a film that’s over 30 years old, who reviews those?
Anyhow, it’s a sci’fi classic that I hadn’t watched before, so it qualified for my nerd days.

And it’s pretty awesome. I think everyone’s aware of the general plot, it’s a future utopia but people only live to age 30. Those who want to go on living have to go on the run and end up killed. Sounds simple. So it’s a warning of the price of paradise kind of thing?

So my first observation is that the utopia 200+ years from now, 70’s hairstyles are back! Actually, you can say of any film that portrays the future that they assume the hairstyles of the present day are back in by then. But then let’s observe the fashions. Wow! Those are some pretty crazy clothes.
So Logan’s a ‘Sandman’? This appears to mean he get’s better outfits than most! Must be reasonably warm in this bio-dome as a lot of these costumes look pretty flimsy.

So quite quickly we pick up that the population is kept in some kind of optimum balance, new children are ‘grown’ rather than the normal conception, birth and raising, and when necessary to replace those who’ve reached thirty and gone to ‘renew’. Renewing seems to imply some kind of afterlife, or possibly rebirth in the new babies? And if you run, you won’t get to renew. Oh, and renewal seems to be a big show. We actually get to see it, it’s Cirque du Soliel! Man, all those fancy acrobatics people are so amazed by, turns out those ‘acrobats’ are renewing! No, wait, they’re exploding! Awesome! People flying up to the ceiling and exploding is now added to the list of awesome things to happen in films!

I hope there’s a skidding tank soon!

Logan is called away from the spectacle of exploding aerialists to chase down a ‘runner’. This runner has watched exploding acrobatics and come to the conclusion that it’s not for him and he’s legging it to try and live to 31.

Hurrah, Logan’s been to Stormtrooper weapons training! He’s an awful shot! Even at close range he can’t hit the guy! Eventually Logan’s mate shoots the runner, who for extra effect stumbles over a railing to plummet several floors. The two Sandmen check the body and Logan robs him! Sees an Ankh shape necklace and just nicks it! (sadly it’s not a skidding ankh!)

Now follows two of the greatest acheivements in this futuristic utopia.

The first one is Logan’s nightwear. He’s relaxing in his Sandman pad and he has the most amazing dressing gown on! It’s brilliant! It’s futuristic and so marvellously camp! Though I think Michael York wears it that way. So bored of an evening, Logan uses some high tech gizmo in the corner to beam himself a sex buddy into his flat! Yep, he flicks through a variety of people, with a comedy refusal of the muscular man, but then with that dressing gown, are you surprised he tried? Finally he settles on Jenny Agutter (known as Jessica) who materialises in his living room!

Yep, people get horny, they just put themselves into this system, known as 'The Circuit' (i.e. 'The Game'?) so anyone who takes a shine to them can beam them into their flat! It’s like a weird sex based facebook with a transporter.

A little small talk and then Logan pretty much shouts at the poor girl, ‘ALRIGHT, LET’S HAVE SEX!!’

Strangely, she doesn’t want to. They have a long chat about their respective status in society, Logan still trying to figure out how his shouting chat up line could have failed until Logan’s mate returns with 2 far more willing young ladies. So Logan gives up on his lost cause and starts trying it on with the girl his very thoughtful friend picked up for him. Meanwhile, Jessica leaves, and have we all noticed, she’s also wearing an Ankh necklace? We should, it’s probably going to be important later!

Logan later reports to Sandman HQ, where he must turn out his pockets to be scanned by computer. The computer goes a bit funny when it picks up the Ankh he swiped from the runner earlier. Excellent, Logan’s computer boss is going to chew him out about robbing from corpses! Comeuppance time for you Logan, you theiving ghoul!

Nope, it the computer gives him a secret mission! He’s to infiltrate the runners support network and find the place known as ‘sanctuary’ so the Sandmen can eliminate it. Clearly the governing computers are sick of people avoiding their high wire exploding. To help Logan infiltrate the group, the computer system winds his life timer forward to start flashing, the sign of hitting thirty. Logan’s ready to leave and begin his mission, but wants to check his timer will be wound back again afterwards. The computer stays quiet about this. I half expected it to start whistling innocently, or la la laaing to drown out the question. See Logan, this is what comes of stealing! Good moral lesson here!

So Logan begins his investigation and ivites Jessica back to his flat. Nope, he’s not trying for the sex again, he seems to have made the link between the ankh he found and the city’s computer told him was a symbol of sancturary and the exact same massive ankh that she wears quite prominantly in plain view! Helluva detective.

She agrees to set up a meeting with Logan and the people who help runners, with the intention of having them kill him. Then she changes her mind, and she accompanies him tracking down a runner.

Now it appears there’s a section of the city that’s completely blocked off to everyone else, where they keep the wild, feral children. Though it seems to be indicated that when the kids hit mid teens, they’re forced back into normal society. Not sure how they function then... Anyway, Logan catches his runner, a woman who claims that her life timer’s broken and she’s only 22. Yeah, you’re fooling no-one there. But Logan lets her go to prove how he’s changed to Jessica and they set off. But Logan’s sandman mate Francis comes along and shoots her anyway. Actually, I wonder if Logan really wanted to let her go, or just didn’t want to show Jessica what a bad shot he is?

So with Francis in pursuit, the pair try to get to Sanctuary. Sadly, Logan, thinking they’re in, summons his other Sandman colleagues and most of the runner-aiding resistance gets toasted. Logan and Jenny carry on with Francis still in pursuit.

They get out of the city and find their way into some ice caves where after Jessica strips nekkid and wraps herself in fur, they meet Box.

Oh my goodness! Box. There’s not much I can say about Box, the mad robot who’s freezing humans and is just generally mad. He is absolutely amazing. If there was one reason only to watch this film, (though there are several) it would be Box. You just have to see him.

The pair then wander on through peaceful countryside, realising their lifetimers have turned white away from the influence of the city. There we have it, the representation of freedom regained by turning away from the seeming idyllic life!

The discover some familier landmarks representing the giant president of old and finally come across andother person! Hurrah! And it’s the oldest man they’ve ever seen!

Peter Ustinov’s turn as the old man is funny, sad and heart warming. You do feel teribly sorry for this man who’s lived alone for so much of his life, only a bunch of cats for company. But he’s managed quite well and has some brilliant moments as he tries to explain his life to his visitors.

After a fight to dispatch Francis, they take the old man back towards the city. Then they leave him outside while they go in to tell everyone about an outside world where you can get old. Of course they’re promptly arrested. However, the computer systems try to probe Logans mind and end up blowing up! Not sure what that says about Logan. Naturally this explosion engulfs most of the city’s systems so the populace are forced to evacuate and this is when they emerge into the world to meet a scruffy old bearded man.

Brilliant! This movie is so much fun! You can have fun with the silliness of it, some of which I think is intentional and fun with the crazy sci-fi action. There’s a number of interesting themes and ideas, though most of them don’t get explored that much. But then it’d make for a longer film. I’m left with a number of questions about the society in the dome, many of which about the raising of children. I’m re-watching this with my fiancee soon and it should be interesting to hear her take on the society. And Box the robot!

Twitter

An extra special bonus blog up today! 2 Blogs in a day! Imagine! Or, actually, don’t, just read it, imagination not required for that. Being a nerd, I like computers, and the internet, and some stuff on the internet, I really enjoy. Twitter is one of those things. It allows for brief updates on what my friends are doing and I’m also able to keep tabs on what’s happening with various people whose work I enjoy, mainly comedy types and writers. I find it both useful and entertaining. And last week, I hugely enjoyed what happened. Briefly, Graham Linehan, the writer behind the IT Crowd and Father Ted had read about an article from America that criticsed the UK National Health Service. It’s most outrageous claim was that if Stephen Hawking lived in the UK, he’d be dead now!

He does live in the UK and he’s not dead.

Now, we in the UK all know that the NHS is not perfect. I would argue that it does the best it can with the resources it has and if we want a better health service then the priorities of government money is the place to start, but that’s a digression and a whole other set of arguments. The real point is that in this country, we have a system where there is healthcare available to anyone who needs it. So we then see it criticised by people who want their country to maintain a system where healthcare is available to anyone who can afford it.

So Mr Linehan gets onto Twitter and organises a new trending topic, #welovethenhs. With only minimal encouragement, soon people are tweeting their experiences with the NHS and within an hour, it’s the top topic. The number one thing on twitter that everyone was talking about was their positive experiences with the NHS. I tweeted a reference to an operation I’d had. Other people tweeted that they or someone close to them owed their continued existence to the care of the NHS. People tweeted a mix of interesting, amusing and touching stories of how this country’s free Healthcare had benefited them. It was actually an amazing thing to behold. From one outrageous article, suddenly thousands of people were standing up to defend the NHS, and organization that in the general media in the UK, we only ever hear criticised. But then, when someone goes in for a routing operation, experiences good care and attention and then leaves, it’s not an exciting story in the tabloids. But when thousands of people all at once stand up and tell their story, it’s almost overwhelming. You suddenly realise how fortunate we are to have this free healthcare service, and how much they actually get right, while we only normally hear what they get wrong. It was also so much better than a long string of sniping about the article itself. A much nicer approach than hundreds of people saying ‘Hawking lives in the UK, this was written by idiots!’ over and over, people actually all united to tell really positive tales and show their appreciation. I hope that everyone working for the NHS got to see it.

I’d recently become deeply frustrated with the way a mob mentality would develop over issues in the news, as people seemed more and more willing to shape their opinions based on what the tabloid papers would say, rather than using their brains and thinking about things or checking for accurate information. Last week showed me that mass communication can be used in a marvelous way. Rather than everyone subscribing to one viewpoint decided in the media, people came forward with their own stories. It’s a shame we can’t do this for more things. There are a huge amount of other agencies working very hard to help improve the quality of life for a lot of people in this country, but are massively underappreciated and often vilified for it. Maybe if every child who was saved from abusive parents or carers tweeted appreciation, or victims of crime who had their property recovered by the police all told their story at once? It’s not an easy thing to organise. Graham Linehan already had many, many followers and was able to demonstrate an unfair criticism to spur people into action, which then snowballed. But when it did happen, it was something that made me feel a little better about humanity as a whole.

Shame that for some, it’s a prompt to have a go at something they don’t use or understand. http://bit.ly/i2thA But, considering everything I’ve said, all in all, it seems nicer to be a twat than to call people one.

The Day the Nerd Sat Still...and watched some movies.

Last week I had the pleasure of a couple of days off work before the weekend and planned a massive three day event of being a total nerd!

Obviously I am a nerd 24/7, but for these three days I was going to revel in it! I gathered up some classics in the Sci-fi movie genre that I hadn’t seen before to watch for the Thursday and Friday, with Saturday being given over to a long session of Dungeons and Dragons.

So, to the first of these classics of the sci-fi movie genre.

The Day the Earth Stood Still.

It’s been a massive oversight for me not to have watched this film before! It’s absolutely incredible!

Obviously I’m talking about the orginal Robert Wise version, not the recent re-make with Keanu Reeves in it.

So the first thing I notice is hey, that spaceship actually looks pretty ok as it flies in! It’s not wobbling or anything! It’s in black and white, I don’t know if that helps, but it’s looked pretty realistic on film I thought, which impressed me as I’d expected something on string wobbling its way across the screen. That’ll teach me not to make assumptions.

The first thing I’m realising about this story, is the human reaction to this alien visitor. As newsreaders urge the public not to panic, stating that the government has said there’s no cause for alarm, the same government has amassed a serious little armed force up around the spaceship! Do they mean there’s no cause to panic as they’re going to blow up anything that comes out of the ship? I especially enjoyed the tanks as they were deployed from their base, they come screaming out onto the road and actually skid as they turn! It looks awesome, and ‘tanks doing skids’ is now on my list of Awesome things in movies’, like spaceships and people throwing themselves across a corridor while firing two guns.

However, I’m a tad disturbed that there’s such an overt military response to this ship’s landing. It’s not very friendly is it? We’ve got no indication that this ship is hostile, though if it was coming to invade, isn’t it more likely there’d be hundreds and they’d be blasting the crap out of us instead of landing on a baseball field?

So the ship opens up. I was watching this with my friend Nick, who pointed out that this alien race clearly prefer complex, slow and elaborate door openings! We enjoyed the idea he’d come to Earth to discover the secret of our quick and easy door openings and needed to go to B&Q for some hinges and a handle!

Then they shot him! The alien, not Nick. He produced some kind of egg whisk and he was shot! Obviously the military is in the pocket of America’s restauranteurs , and were under orders to open fire if any sign of culinary prowess was displayed!

It’s ok, it wasn’t a fatal shot. And a large robot has now appeared from the ship! (That’s another tick on the list of ‘Awesome things in Movies’ along with the Spaceship and the Skidding Tanks)

So the robot reveals his eys, (He’s a prototype Cylon!) and then shoots out a laser and disarms all the soldiers. I particularly liked that he would shoot 3 guns in turn, but the later ones would heat up quicker so that they could all be dropped in unison.

The alien, Klaatu, reveals that his egg whisk was in fact a gift for the president so he could communicate with other worlds, but now it’s broken. Whoops! Given the initial attempt at contact with an alien, it’s probably best for these other worlds...

So they take Klaatu to hospital. They’re assuming that earth doctors will be able to quickly work out an alien anatomy? Not sure, at this point they haven’t worked out smoking is bad for them! I do enjoy older movies where everyone’s always smoking. Not like nowadays where only evil characters light up. Anyway, he’s taken to hospital where apparently he’s similar enough they can treat him. Then it’s revealed he’s in his 70’s but due to advanced healthcare appears 30 and his bullet wound is almost healed already.

Then Klaatu is approached by the government. He explains that he needs to address all the world leaders. However this is impossible, they could never agree on a neutral venue and he’s treated to a demonstration of how humanity would much rather argue and fight than listen to the message of an alien visitor. I’m getting a little depressed here as I’m cynical enough to believe this is pretty much the reaction a peacful alien would recieve here. I.e. he get’s shot and no one listens to him.

Fortunately, Klaatu is a little more determined. He escapes from the hospital and goes on the run. He finds a guest house of some sort and rents a room. I note that no references or deposit are required. Ah, simpler times!

So now Klaatu is hanging out with some humans, trying to learn about humanity more direcltly. Another resident of the house wants to go out for the day with her new boyfriend but has no-one to look after her young son. No problem, the stranger who arrived last night and speaks slightly strangely will take him out for the day! Really, simpler times!

So on his day out, Klaatu hears about war, Abraham Lincoln and the smartest man on the planet, a local professor. He visits the professor, to find he’s out, so helpfully solves a complex equation for him. Shortly some government agents come to the guest house and take Klaatu back to the professor.

Professors got some serious influence then?

Klaatu’s new plan is to tell as many scientists as he can the message intended for world leaders. They decide a demonstration is needed too, so Klaatu promises to arrange one.

He visits his ship and signals to Gort, the large robot. Gort attacks some guards and Klaatu can get in his ship. But oh no, the little kid has followed him and witnessed everything!

The next day Klaatu visits the childs mother to find out what the kid says. Then in a bizarre display, he get’s in a lift with her and is amazed when it stops. He asks what time it is and then announces they’re stuck there. Well, this is because he’d arranged for the whole worlds electricity to cease at this time. So he’s capable of that immense feat, but didn’t realise it was nearly half twelve when he got in the lift? Ah well.

It is a pretty awesome sequence with the worlds power out, even the shots of other countries and the dodgy cockney accent. But the whole world bought to a standstill. Quite amazing.

Eventually the power comes back on and Klaatu has now convinced his companion that he’s a good alien. But the military have decided that taking Klaatu alive is a luxury they can no longer afford.

Klaatu is chased, and eventually gunned down. This leaves his female companion to run off to Gort to deliver a message to him that Klaatu had told her previously. Gort has now started wiping out soldiers with his laser eye beams (that’s another tick on the list) but stops when he hears ‘Klaatu Barada Nikto’. Cut to a local jail, where one of the military guys is on the phone, telling someone that Klaatu is definitley dead, so they’ve locked him in a cell. That’s pretty harsh, if he’s dead. Fortunate though, as Gort can smash the wall of the cell and retrieve the body. Returning to the ship, Gort places Klaatu in a machine I like to call the ‘Resurrectotron’ and brings him back to life.

Now a little bit pissed off, Klaatu addresses the scientists and warns them that Earth is too violent. That’s fine when restricted to Earth, but attempts to get into space are worrying the other races. He explains that the spacefaring races of the galazy have created a race of machines like Gort to police all cultures, destroying those who try to commit violence against others. The robots are answerable to no-one but their programming now and if Earth get’s into space, we must renounce our violent ways or Gort’s people will kick our asses.

Wait, so everyone’s living in fear of these killer robots if they don’t behave? The enlightened alien culture lives under a self imposed tyranny?

Maybe we’re reading too much into that description.

So those were the key points of a movie, that frankly, blew me away. I loved it. The overall message is probably more relevant today as it tells us as a people we should be united, not blowing ourselves up. Obviously there are some parts that show what a different time it was, like easily trusting a strange man with your young son, but things like that are part of the amusing charm of older films. I have a certain curiosity about the re-make, but I’d be surprised if it was a patch on this.

Following this, I watched Logan’s Run. Well, I popped out for beers first, then I watched Logan’s Run. I shall be gathering my thoughts on that in a future blog.

Kermit the Incredible Hulk

So yesterday, I was twittering, as usual. I'm not sure what I was on about now, but for some reason I mentioned Kermit the Frog. I got a reply commenting it wasn't easy being green, I pointed out that The Incredible Hulk knows that pain!

Then something stirred in my brain. Possibly a memory.

I say possibly, as I'm not convinced it isn't a total fabrication in my mind that I've persuaded myself is a memory.

I have this vague picture of an episode of The Muppet Show, where Kermit flipped out and turned into a Hulk-like version of himself. So I decided to begin a quest, to travel the Internet and seek out proof of this memory. I, like Frodo had to destroy the One Ring, must make a perilous journey to see if my mind is playing tricks on me. Obviously, if I were to leave this unchallenged, my mind would think it could get away with crazy japery like this and be forever faking up memories to make me say and do stupid things. 'I clearly remember seeing a sign saying clothes were banned in this concert!', 'it's not stalking your honour, I remember marrying Katy Perry', etc etc. So, to keep my wacky subconcious in it's place, I must seek out the truth of this Kermit/Hulk memory!

So far, no conclusive proof. My first foray's in the Kingdom of Google revealed a video clip that I had high hopes for. http://bit.ly/MEhjl
However, angry as he became, Kermit remained resolutely trapped in the form of a small, unmonsterous frog.

But, like Gandalf falling at Moria, this initial setback does not mean the end of my quest! I ventured further through Google and into the lands of the Wikipedia. There I happened upon the Muppet Show Wiki and was rewarded! The Hulk has at least encountered the Muppets, certainly in their younger days!
http://bit.ly/A0elc
However, it appeared there was no recorded encounter between the Hulk and Kermit the Frog. Was this a good thing? If Kermit had indeed transformed into the Hulk as I remembered, then naturally they would never have been seen to meet! As when the Fellowship rested in Lothlorien. The discovery of a real connection between Muppets and the Hulk, renewed me as the gift of lembas bread would do Frodo.

I tarried in this land of the wiki's, hoping to discover further clues of the Kermit-Hulk. I then heard the rumours of the 'Ker-Monster'.

The Ker-Monster???
http://tinyurl.com/loloob

So very Hulk-like, but clearly not the subject of my questioned memory! I pressed further with my investigations.

That's when I made a discovery that changed EVERYTHING!!!
There had been a Kermit Hyde!
http://tinyurl.com/q9dbek
Now this was something! Could this be the monster form of Kermit I remembered? Had time blurred my memories and confused them with images of The Hulk?? I pressed further to find details of the origin of this foul beast!
http://tinyurl.com/ltzjnf

So, Professor Bunsen Honeydew had been behind this? I should have known. I realised my chances of finding Honeydew, or his noble assistant Beaker, were slim. Maybe this 'Alan Arkin' who'd been present at these events could shed some light on the matter? I resolved to track him down!

It turns out the internet is reluctant to give out contact details for this man! Why? I'm not a crazy person! I just want to ask him about Kermit the Frog turning into a monster! Perfectly normal.

However, it seems that it's just as well I can't readily track down Alan Arkin. He was also affected by the same potion, and I fear he wouldn't take kindly to my enquiries!
http://tinyurl.com/m535al


My search will continue...